Drink plenty of water.Air travel is dehydrating, particularly for long trips. Staying hydrated can help with jet-lag, which will increase your patience and level of energy for helping your little one adjust to his/her new home. This is key for your time in the air and the first few days after arrival while your body’s “clock” adjusts.
Minimize the number of visitors/outings. Other family members and friends will be excited to welcome this new member of your family. Remember, however, that all the months you have been preparing for your child, he/she was not preparing for you. The transition into your home and family is a big one, so plan to keep visitors to a minimum at first so that you can build the relationship with your child and allow them to experience you as their “safe base” before introducing others or taking frequent trips outside the home.
Get the right kind of help. While it’s important to keep the number of visitors low, it is also important for you to have support. Be sure Mom and Dad keep the role of “need-meeter” for your child, and ask friends and family who are available to help with the things that keep your household running (meals, errands, laundry, etc.).
Keep perspective. While you may be nervous about how your little one is adjusting to your family, realize that he/she is also probably more nervous… and in most cases, these little ones are too young to have the language or cognitive development to make sense of how their lives have changed by joining your family. All they know is that the language sounds different, people and things smell different, and everything looks and feels different. Most children need at least the first 6 months, just to adjust to their new surroundings. You can help by keeping as much the same (and predictable) as possible.
Don’t let them “cry it out.” In the early stages of adoption, it’s important that your child has repetitive, consistent experiences of being soothed by you. That ritual between you is the springboard for a healthy attachment. Independence can and will be learned – later.
Consult! If something doesn't feel right, leaves you confused, or feels (in your gut) outside the norm for adjustment, consult with a professional who understands adoption and pre-verbal trauma. Getting the support and coaching you need will help you provide a regulated and calm foundation for your son’s/daughter’s adjustment and attachment.
Contributed by: Jennifer Winklemann, MA, LPC, NCC.
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